I come from Australia. Australia has not been documented as the utopian ideal for liberated sexuality, such as it’s not too far off neighbor, the Trobriand Islands.

Australia is not a beatnik NYC of the 1950s. Australia is not a hippy-hippy-shake-shake-psychedelic-60s San Francisco. Australia is not an Orange People influenced ashram of 70′s India. Australia is not a sexually experimental 1980s London. It’s not even a neo-hippy, sub-cultural resurgence of 90′s Berlin. I do not perceive my nation as being particularly, flamboyantly liberal or outlandish or unconventional. But apparently we are because, as per our laws, we believe that it is our right to be topless at the beach if we so wish …

Laying on the beach in Venice the other day, I came to discover (fortunately not the hard way) that it is illegal to be topless on the beach. I was outraged and then confused at the strange prioritizing. I wandered about how it can be that I can see levels of violence on television here that would be completely unacceptable back home, but that semi-nudity is pixilated out. I wandered how it can be considered a “right” to bear arms when I firmly believe that it’s a “privilege,” but that you have no right to be in a natural state, in an appropriate place, on an appropriate occasion. Is there nothing more natural than being received naked by the ocean?

Who are we hiding our breasts from anyway? Children? Do we really think they care? They mostly are still living in that delightful state of innocence where your body is simply that, your body – not necessarily attached to anything erotic. Wasn’t it once upon a time that we were all unclothed unless in need of shelter from the elements and did not conceive of shame? Didn’t we just conjure all this shame for our natural bodies ourselves?

Are we simply hiding our breasts from those with religious beliefs whom we may offend then? I am genuinely offended by not having the option to reveal my breasts to the sun if I so wish. If we are trying to cater for everyone’s needs, should it not just be that if you do not like to see such things then cast your gaze elsewhere?

You might say, “Well, if you don’t like it why don’t you and your boobs go home then?” I reveal my discontent not as an attack on American society but as an attack on moral hypocrisy and simply a voicing of an opinion, that would no doubt be shared by MANY American women out there.

Apparently you can get booked for “Indecent Exposure” if you are found to be topless on the beach. I have to honestly say that I did not expect this from a state that has a Hollywood action hero for its Governor. Moreover, there is nothing indecent about my boobs. There is nothing indecent about boobs in general. And I do not like the law telling me otherwise. Perhaps for the first time in my life, I will find myself on the wrong side of the law before summer is out.

In the 50′s in order to “skirt” the no-topless law, Texas passed a law stating nipples in burlesque houses had to be covered. Reading a little too deeply in to the letter of the law, theater operators painted them… with clearcoat since it said they had to be covered, but never said that it had to be opaque. Then when that typo was corrected, along came nipple-shaped pasties. Hilarity ensued… The Museum of Sex in NY is not just for people looking for a peepshow under safeharbor of “art” or “history” you actually learn something.